Dream Big or Go Home

There is so much I have planned for the next 2 years. With this new job it will allow me to do a lot more with my life than I had originally planned. I have so many ideas for trips I want to take, money to save for a house (and let me tell you the housing market is so good for someone like me, someone who is a first time buyer). Here is my agenda for the next two years:

- Buy a new car (I have to go used at first because of a new job I wont be able to finance a new car) Hopefully by springtime next year I will own a brand new car.
- Budget myself and open an account separately for a house(I am looking at about a year to maybe a bit more to be able to have enough saved up for a down-payment on either a house or condo)
- Take Ryan to Mardi Gras next year (this isn't necessarily very expensive, flights are pretty good and I have plenty places to stay while we are there)
- Head to Disney World with my 3 besties next May (I want to do one last hurrah for them before we all get too busy with work and marriages and future kids to be able to do this)
- I want to take a few weekend trips to D.C., Philly, and New York (This is definitely doable as I will be on the road a lot towards the end of this year, so I can definitely go away for the weekends

As a bonus I really want to attend the Olympics in London next year...that will depend on what happens this year. So I will keep that in the back of my mind as well.

I have firmly established that I will not be able to attend my graduation in July due to work. I can only take time off and not be paid as my paid holiday starts in September (go figure). So no London trip in July, though maybe Thanksgiving is an option, we will see.

Hopefully my really big priorities will work out in what will definitely be a very busy 2 years.

I feel so professional!!

I have been quiet for a while. I apologize. The reason is, I have been on edge about a job. And well, now I can talk about it! I applied with At&t for a new media sales position and I got the job. I am officially getting my paperwork today and by next week will have signed my life away. I will have 1 weeks training in Charlotte and 4 weeks in Atlanta, Georgia. After that I get to begin this awesome journey making lots of money and meeting some great people. I am hoping to get a new car by the end of my training as I will need it for work.

I was apprehensive about the position at first, but after my interview and then a ride along with one of the sales reps, I feel loads more comfortable about it. I had a lot of questions that were answered and made me feel that I would fit great in this position.

With the company being so big and wide known, I am excited about the idea of growing with such a great company. I could learn so much from this.

Wish me luck on this amazing new journey!!

The Sun and I are best friends again...bless him!

So I have had job progress today...im not gonna go into detail cause I don't want to jinx it. But I have high hopes that Ill be making a lot money very soon.

On another subject, I am trying to decide what to do about my hair. It is long again, but I want it longer, maybe. However as for the color I am a bit conflicted. I like it blond but honestly it was such a hassle to keep it up...I hate spending 75.00 every 2 months to get the roots done...hmmm. So I am either going back to dark brown or I am sticking with the current look which is about 8 different shades or brown, red, and blonde. I am clearly confused :-)

One good thing to look forward to is the gorgeous weather outside. I am going to spend this week laying out in the sunshine with hopes of looking less pasty. It is so obvious that I have been in England that its ridiculous. I look like a cancer patient or albino. It's awful...I need my freckles back pronto! But finally the weather is warming up and there is soo much sunshine, I could tell my friend the sun missed me...he won't leave now :p

March is fast approaching now and I have soo much to look forward to in the next 3 months I just can't wait! I just wish I could tell everyone what it is...but I have been sworn to secrecy so it must be done. I'll just keep you all guessing.

P.S. Driving is so liberating! I have been driving as much as possible and it feels like I never stopped! The only thing I can complain about are the New York drivers here....u people are absolutely ridiculous! NO U CANNOT CUT ME OFF! And get off my tail....other than that it has been perfect!

I would much rather be ur Groundhog than ur Valentine...

I have always thought Valentine's Day was silly. No it is not because most of them I have spent alone...I mean I have had someone the last 3 years and well I still don't care for the holiday..kind of like Halloween, I have outgrown it. I am one of those people that feels that you should not have a day just to say I love u....it should be everyday!!

Well anyway, this V Day, my Valentine is quite far away, 3,000 miles to be precise. Am I sad and depressed, eating ice cream and crying all day, well no. Instead I will probably eat pop-tarts and work on finding a job. I don't really care for all the pink...it truly is my least favorite color.

I had a nice video chat with Ryan today...we have decided to do that every Sunday...it is nice to see each other...so you know we don't forget how hot we both are :D

He gave me the best present ever this year even though technically it wasn't for VDAY...it was just him being Ryan...and no I am not saying what it is because it is a surprise and you will all find out eventually. Last year he broke into my bedroom at my house and left me red roses next to a framed pic of us on my bed...then made dinner. That was in itself a total surprise...he knows how much I despise the day..and well so does he.

Everyone reading needs to realize, Ryan is not emotional or sentimental to say the least...he is English..which means he's a bit stern(that is putting it nicely). However, he does have a heart deep, DEEEP, within his chest and it does occasionally show itself...case in point the flowers.

That is what I love about him...he doesn't have to do anything...but he still does and he does so very randomly.

So I say this...everyone enjoy your VDay..but just ask urself...does he love u everyday or just that one day a year? I know my answer....

Bless my little Kane...he can be my Groundhog :-) *Thanks to Rob for this wonderful photo <3

I was born for city life...

I got back from New Orleans on Monday night and by Tuesday I had fallen in love with the city all over again. I went out in Charlotte as I had a few interviews for jobs. I was really excited. Walking around in my black dress pants and heels I felt like Victoria Beckham without the pout...

I got to see the corporate world at its very best. Young twenty somethings walking around in suits carrying a Starbucks and chatting with co-workers. I saw this throughout the Bank of America building as well as Wells Fargo and Wachovia. I began daydreaming about working and being successful.

My Uncle pointed out condo buildings which were massive and gorgeous standing alongside the skyscrapers...its a pretty amazing dream. I really hope it comes true.

I could see my day to day life lit up for me...working in these gorgeous glass buildings, having lunch at some great cafe or pub and then going out to one of the many great restaurants and bars in Charlotte with coworkers...all while talking about how much money I will make this year.

I truly was born for city life...

I have a lot to look forward to in the next 3 months...it's gonna be very exciting.

Sunshine and daisies...Punxsutawney Phil says so!

So it is superbowl sunday! Hard to believe it has been a year since my Saints won their first superbowl...its been a year since a lot of things. A year ago, I was a mess...fighting with Ryan and fighting with myself on what to do in life.

A year later, I must say 2011 is soo much better. As much as I miss little bits of my time in New Romney...really the only way I could be happy there is if Ryan spent 100% of his time with me...and well thats just stupid. Here I have more than him to keep me company. I have sunshine, flowers, the beach, friends, family (as much as they drive me mental), and the American dream. All this is keeping me going. Winter will be gone soon...the groundhog didn't see his shadow and well he is always right. It is so nice to have beautiful weather again and I look forward to wearing shorts, flip flops and a bikini again.

I had a soppy day yesterday...sobbed on the phone to Ryan about how much I miss him but still deep down counting the days until I would see him again. I go back to Charlotte tomorrow and I couldn't be happier...my new life is there now. I have an interview on Tuesday for a job I really want...hopefully it pays what I want too.

Spring is coming and with it comes a new smile on my face...May will be here soon and I will have something to look forward to. I have decided to go to England for my graduation in July. Ill look into flights once I have a job. I am excited to go in summer and I get to see Ryan and some friends. It will be a good trip...it may be my last for a while. It all depends on the future....

I have a the same dream every night...its the typical American dream...you know, Ryan and I are together and happy...living in a nice place and having the jobs we want....just peace and happiness. It is a dream...I want it to be reality but who knows what is in store for both of us...its up to us to decide. America has its faults...but never until I left here did I expect to miss it so much. As much as we are criticized...there really is no place better to live and to grow. I feel like anything is possible here...something I couldn't feel abroad.

America is home...and its the feeling of success that keeps me going.

To be blunt distance sucks...

I have friends that are currently distanced from their boyfriends or girlfriends...most are a few hours away and I know it is really hard for them. Currently I am over 3,000 miles from mine...not just a city, a state, or country, but a whole continent with a massive ocean in between. Most long distance relationships don't work...its really difficult. We are 5 hours apart in time difference and that makes communication difficult. I have to schedule time to video chat or talk and its not fun. If we are lucky we visit each other every 3 months...well thats the plan. Again is isn't fun. In fact it just sucks.

I hate it. Everyday I get a little sad thinking about how long it may be before I see him again. It has been 3 weeks since I left and for me it feels like months...it really does. Sometimes I worry that I will forget what he looks like or sounds like and sometimes I feel that we may grow apart or bicker because of the lack of communication and affection.

In general right now is a very scary time in my life. My relationship is in a delicate balance and I am forced to try and live everyday like its not. I am told by my family and friends to be strong and I am trying my hardest...its hard sometimes to keep the faith. I love him very much and he knows. I just wish sometimes I could hear it too...

Men are not as emotional as we are and that is definitely not easy.

I have to keep the faith that soon I will see him and everything will be rekindled like we had never been apart in the first place.

The Unknown: Why it terrifies me?

I have a second interview tomorrow. I am excited because I really need this job. I need for more reasons than the average person. This is the key to my future, not just career wise but relationship wise as well. I need this job so I have stability for Ryan to come.

I love him, and I am absolutely terrified to lose him. I know I could live without him in my life, I could move on and survive, but I don't want to. I want to share everything with him. I need to establish a solid system so he can come here and so he can start fresh too.

I'm really afraid of the unknown at this point. I don't like not knowing what will come next. Everyday I wake up and hope that things will get better each day...and that I won't receive bad news.

Life is a scary thought...and growing up is even scarier.

Off to New Orleans for a week on Saturday. Hopefully seeing my friends and family will bring my spirits up and distract me for a bit.

Go away black cloud...

So I had a bit of a mental breakdown on the phone with Ryan today...this is not out of the ordinary for me when I am thrust into a new environment alone. For one, yes I really miss him and as much as I am trying to keep myself busy, it doesn't get rid of this fact. I really really miss him. I miss his hugs, his words, his humor, and just him.

I am sure he is tired me saying it because he knows. Some days for me are better than others. Some days I am super happy and motivated and then a day like today comes along and I get a little sad. I have a lot to be excited about today...I got my first call back for a job.

I applied for this position just this weekend and I got a call today for a short informative interview. I think it went really well and honestly I have a good feeling I will get the job. It would pay well and I would have the potential to learn a lot. I just hope I get it...

I really want to start working. Ryan wants to come for a visit but I need to start working to show him the US is the place he should be. He kind of knows it...but he needs to be completely convinced and thats the point of a visit. For him to experience it.

Speaking to him on the phone, he gave me a long pep talk and told me to keep my head up that it would work out....all why I sobbed like a baby. I trust that he is right...and I know he is deep down. I am just in denial...and it doesn't help that the monthly black cloud came for a visit today. I wish it would stay away....

They promised me I would never have to do math again!

I woke up this morning ready to start applying for more jobs. I went through various positions and I think after the 10th job application and the 10th time of writing the same stuff about my education and work experience and saying that I am over the age 18 yrs etc, I found a position to sell insurance. Now this is not the most ideal sounding position but honestly I can sell anything and make it fun. I love to sell. So I was eager to apply for this position. I know it will pay good money. I get through the entire application process and receive that confirmation email. I open the email and it says, you have to complete a short 60 minute (60 MINUTES, sorry but that is not short) questionnaire. Now normally when I see these things I think, its aptitude questions. Nope...it's all math.

NOw math was no my strong subject in school...it was my worst subject. Anyone who knows me, knows how much math has been a big fat negative in my life. When I finished my last math class in undergrad Sophomore year, I thought "hurray done forever". My degrees, both Bachelors and Masters have nothing to do with real math.

This whole thing has me beyond stressed out. I know it is perfectly possible to sell successfully without having to do advanced mathematics...so this is just crap.

I don't think I did well....so I think I can count that position out of my future career goals.

On a lighter note, I have been watching "Amazing Wedding Cakes" on WE and now I want to learn to decorate cakes for a hobby....now I have to find a class to teach me.

Ryan and I had our first attempt at Web Cam chatting yesterday and it went very well...It made me super duper happy to see his adorable face again after a whole week! Hopefully he will book a surprise flight to come see me in March or early April..HINT hint nudge nudge ;-)

The Inner Fat Kid is starting to show....

So in the last year...well not even a year, more like 6 months, I have put on 15 pounds. Now as much as I am really happy to have a figure...I had to go out and buy all sort of new Jeans as I couldn't fit into anything. Now that I am back I am determined to exercise to get toned up. I don't want to lose weight cause I'm happy with the extra baggage....but I wanna have more energy. Now as I am typing this, I have a treadmill in front of me screaming "GET OFF YOUR BUTT".

So this new move has also inspired me to feel better on the inside and look better on the outside. This obviously involves me doing good things for myself.

As much as I know Ryan likes my new figure....I need to love myself too. So this whole journey is about loving me again not just loving someone else. I think the biggest problem people make, especially women is that we love our partner soo much that we tend to overlook ourselves sometimes. You have to keep in mind that he or she fell in love with you because of who you are as a person and your confidence. You cannot lose that over time or they will see a different person. I changed a lot in the last 2 years...some of the changes I don't like very much and that is precisely why I made this choice. I need to find me again...even if me is 15 lbs heavier :-)

It's still okay though that I have a "snuggle" chat with Ryan before bed though....cause thats a big part of me too ;-)

I like my Guinness Coooollllddd!

I went to this local watering hole of my Uncle and Aunt's last night. I think it is called John's Place? Anyway, I was excited cause I found out they serve Guinness on tap along with a few other nice lagers and bitters. I wanted to check this out as Ryan and I were both curious to see if he could really find America's British heart. Turns out, Americans love the British. I mean we took their language and improved it, we then took their food and improved it and now we have taken their idea of the "Pub" and made it a bit more "chic".

I am not saying the idea of a pub isn't nice. I love English pubs. We just like to take the idea and make it American...like we do with everything. I am definitely not in denial of this.

So they serve up this Guinness and man was it freezing. In England they serve beer room temperature. In America we like our drinks cold...really cold. It was so yummy. We do this because in the summer its too damn hot to have a warm beer....and its hot here most of the year.

So last night out turned out to be a lot of fun...even if I felt like I am slowly aging into oblivion. I am really loving being here.

And now Ryan has promised a web chat this weekend....which makes me smile. Hopefully he will book that flight to visit soon.

What is it with this whole application business?

I have been applying for jobs since Monday. It is now Friday. Yea my head is spinning in circles. I don't understand why they ask for your CV/Resume and then ask you to fill out your information including education and work experience. Isn't that what the resume is for? Its exhausting. I have applied with Telecommunications, Publishing, banking, insurance, tax collection, universities, etc. Most of the positions are high end sales positions as they make good money and it can be a lot of fun if you enjoy the job.

For example, I applied with Scholastic Publishing, my friends in the US will know this one from their childhood. Pretty much every classic children's book ever published is done so with Scholastic. I think it would be a really fun job as I love books and I love children's stories.

Today I spoke to Ryan. Told him I miss him, like I do everyday....he told me he missed the Power Rangers. Men....what can you do. Haha.

I am off to have a pint at the pub here.

Starting Fresh

So I have been in England for the last 2 years, since September 2008. I finished my Masters in International Law there and met the most amazing man. I love him very much, but if love was all a person needed to be happy then I wouldn't have left him to come back to the US.

I made the difficult decision in August last year to come back and start my career in a place I know will make me happy and a place where I can live my dream of a great career. England unfortunately never did that for me. Ryan was not going to be enough.

So I packed my things and left a few days ago to come here to Charlotte, North Carolina to see where my hopes would take me. I left Ryan behind with the hope that we would be together soon.

Now it is in the hands of fate and God to decide if we belong together. This will be the story of this strenuous journey.